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[23 Dec 2009|05:14pm] |
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let your dim light shine |
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I don't like being around. There is nothing i can do to not be alone. The significance of this breakup, on a scale of 1-100, for her... Wouldn't even be a five. Maybe 2 or 3. The significance of it to me, on the other hand... Would be more like 110. Am i supposed to just remain alone and untouched... Waiting for someone to be interested in me... There has been nobody for 9 months. I mean NOBODY. So yes... I still remember and think about how beautiful she is... And yes, if you're wondering... It is literally hell.
Earlier i was thinkin... My new years resolution should be to successfully end my life... To put an end to all of these days, weeks, and months that just go by... Meaninglessly. Joylessly. Only abundant in memories, regret, loneliness,...
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[20 Dec 2009|12:57am] |
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life goes on the same. it will until the day i die. things are over. everything is over. there is nothing left for me.
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[19 Dec 2009|02:40am] |
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i look at pictures of you and i want to die.
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[18 Dec 2009|05:25pm] |
earlier today, i was looking at pictures of my beautiful ex-fiance. don't ask me why. i obviously know by now that that's never a good idea. it's been almost 9 months. and i've experienced no romance whatsoever since the love of my life left me... i remain untouched. not needed. not desired. completely alone. i miss her so much. i screwed up. i had everything i could ever want and need.
my life is completely meaningless to me.
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[16 Dec 2009|02:26pm] |
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life goes on... long after the thrill of living is gone. it's over. my life has been over for a long time now. but for some fucked up reason, i'm still here.
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[15 Dec 2009|05:38pm] |
i am so sorry for whatever it was i did wrong. there is nothing in my life i am more sorry about.
dead.
i must be almost.
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[13 Dec 2009|02:05am] |
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i'm so done with life. i know that i lost. it is not worthwhile. i lost. i blew it. the rest of my life will be just like this. lonely. and sad. i am always alone. i do not believe it will ever change. she's been gone for almost 9 months. and i still think about her everyday. almost all the time. i'm so done with life. i will never have joy. ever again.
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[08 Dec 2009|03:27pm] |
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i'm going to the eye doctor this afternoon. cause i couldn't read the letters in the last box. ya know, that eye test they have at the dmv... they wouldn't renew my license. evidently, i can't see well enough to drive. haha. what a crock of crap. i've never had a problem seeing or reading anything in my entire life. ever. i might be wearin glasses soon though. oh well... i'm gonna drive down to charleston on friday to see SPONGE.
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[08 Dec 2009|06:44am] |
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Why'd you go away... I never imagined what life would be like without you... It's the worst thing i've ever known...
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[07 Dec 2009|07:54am] |
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if at first you don't succeed... try, try again. if i were you, i'd give up. the path is too narrow. the way is too steep.
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[05 Dec 2009|02:51am] |
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lonely. deprived. hopeless. i had it all. i lost it all. i will never have it again. she's gone. and nothing will ever happen.
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[04 Dec 2009|08:45pm] |
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i miss you. i wish you were still mine.
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[04 Dec 2009|02:33pm] |
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when i see or hear your name, i start to feel like i'm dying.
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[03 Dec 2009|09:55pm] |
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If i could... Burn away every memory of you... Set fire to my heart. Set fire to my mind. So it can't remember any longer. I wouldn't know that i once had the most beautiful girl in the world. And that i lost her.
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[03 Dec 2009|12:06am] |
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i really don't wanna live anymore. please... something... terrible. deadly. happen. i want out. i just want out. there is nothing here. now. worth it. nothing. die charley. die. for my birthday... what i want... is to go away forever. to be dead.
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[02 Dec 2009|10:55pm] |
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so it's my birthday. this is the least it's ever meant to me.
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[01 Dec 2009|02:53pm] |
you are someone else.
and i am still right here.
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[01 Dec 2009|12:29am] |
still here without you. and it still sucks.
life goes on... long after the thrill of living is gone.
please slow it down. there’s a secret magic past world that you only notice when you’re looking back at it. all i wanna do is turn around. i'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean. cause i couldn’t let go of the passing moment gone.
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[29 Nov 2009|10:53pm] |
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I miss her so much. So much that i don't believe in anything anymore. Nothing matters. Not enough to make it worthwhile or fulfilling to wake up in the morning and carry on. Regardless, i still do the things i have to do. Like, going to work. And i enjoy playin music. But i have not felt any real joy since she left me over 8 months ago.
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[29 Nov 2009|08:16am] |
So yeah, ya know... Most of the time, i'd rather be dead than feel the sadness and loneliness that i feel everyday. But you're sayin'... If i stick around long enough, that i'll be glad i did? I feel like i've been waitin a goddamn long time already. I don't wanna do this anymore.
i lost. at life. i lose.
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